It goes without saying that when it comes to sex, the two relationships are not exactly the same. Some couples can’t let go of each other, while others rarely get intimate. Many couples even have different sexual desires. When it comes to sex, there is no wrong answer!
In any case, a sudden drop in intimacy in the bedroom can ruin even the strongest of relationships. Lack of sex leads to resentment and anger, so these rising tensions can eventually explode into a big battle. But why is it so?
1. The hormonal change that comes with the dry spell
Dry spells don’t just change the relationship. But they also leave an impact on health. When you stop having sex, your brain releases fewer “feel good” hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, etc. In short, all that anger may have something to do with your hormones.
2. Emotional implications of lack of sex
But biology is not the only thing that is failing you. Here’s a brain scratcher. When it comes to Anger, there is much more than meets the eye. As it turns out, Anger in a relationship is not a problem but a symptom. As Wendi Dumbroff, a Licensed Professional Counselor, puts it, “Anger is an interesting emotion. And whenever I am working with a couple, and one person is angry, I always like to dig underneath the Anger. Because Anger is usually the second emotion, it is a very good shield.”
She continued explaining, “Usually, underneath the shield of Anger, there is a much more vulnerable emotion. Sometimes a couple can come in, and one partner might express Anger because the other partner is not meeting their needs. However, when we look underneath that Anger, the meaning is often that the partner does not feel appreciated by their partner, or feels that they are not attracted to them, or something much more vulnerable is underneath. And so, Anger is an emotion that needs to be investigated.”
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So maybe a partner denying sex might come across as rejection to the other partner leading to anger.
3. Some of us have a bigger sexual appetite than others
Then there are some people who are gifted with a much larger sexual appetite than others. These people have more frequent and more intense sexual fantasies than their counterparts. Also, scientifically, the sex drive of women is at a peak during their 30s and early 40s.
A friend of mine was one of the people blessed with a huge sexual appetite. Upon getting married, he realized that his new bride didn’t share his sex drive. This caused a lot of friction between the two. They started bickering constantly. The husband’s needs were not getting met, and the wife thought her husband didn’t know anything about romance and just wanted to have sex all the time.
They didn’t separate because of this, but seeing sexual drive as a need, one can only imagine how annoyed or angry the said husband must feel when his needs are left unmet, or worse, his wife doesn’t even want to discuss the topic.